Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
