i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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