Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
