What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
