thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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