good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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