kristin has been a bad kristin
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
