then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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