omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
