Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
