this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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