I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
