There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
