I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is wine microwaveable?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
