You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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