She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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