When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude i'm inner monologue high
either way he was missing a nipple.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
