So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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