i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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