I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
