I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
