note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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