Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Floor bacon is actually really good
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