Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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