I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
