dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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