You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
