Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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