Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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