Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
