also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
