hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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