I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize