my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
