so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
