First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
