You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
