Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
as a side note pls kill me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
