When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
