i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
