He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
