Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
