How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
