I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
