Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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