I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
