Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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