Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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