i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The ass gains better be worth it
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