you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
