I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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