i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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