so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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