I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
