if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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