I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
