about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
