no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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