Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
