one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
