I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
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