Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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