dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
