so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize