actually, I'm a sock model
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
