On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
