I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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