I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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