I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
