My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
