It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
