you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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