i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
