Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
