I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
